Christmas was never the biggest deal at our house. It was just another holiday that everybody else celebrated, and since we happened to get the day off as well and it was the thing to do here in America, we went along with it. We rarely made the big production of having everybody over for dinner, singing carols, roasting chestnuts on an open fire, having a huge pile of gifts under the tree. In Taiwan, when my parents were back there, Christmas was only a day off. The big break came in a couple months for Chinese New Year. Plus, it's kind of hard to have a big, raucous family gathering and whatnot when the rest of the family is half a continent and the Pacific Ocean away. But I still got gifts, and we still had a tree, albeit a tiny artificial one initially before we finally got a big artificial one because I was adamant about not wasting a tree each year.
It was always my job to set up the Christmas tree and decorate it. It was fun, but it was more hard work than fun, having to figure out which pieces go where, having to spread the branches out to make it look like a real tree. So one year, I set up the tree halfway and never get around to finishing it. I went off to Los Angeles for a conference, and when I returned the tree was gone, back into its box and never to come out of the basement again. So far anyway.
It's difficult sometimes to be part of an immigrant family. I was born in the United States, and I went to school and work here, so I identify myself as American. I speak Chinese at home, and with the black hair and the yellow skin and other habits I've learned from being a part of my family I identify myself as Chinese. But these holidays that are celebrated in America are not necessarily ones that are big in Asia, and likewise the Chinese holidays are not known here. So we forget a lot of holidays are coming up until they're here, whether it's Eastern ones like the Mid-Autumn Festival, Dragon Boat Festival, or even Chinese New Year, or Western ones like Thanksgiving or Christmas. When we realize that they've come, we're like, "Oh, it was this holiday. Oops." And for the Western ones, we add, "Well, at least we get a day off."
And that's how Christmas feels like now. I love the idea of the Christmas spirit, the build-up, the atmosphere, the romanticism, the religious aspect. Being with friends and family, giving and receiving gifts, playing in the snow and then snuggling by the fire. But now that we don't celebrate it anymore Christmas Day seems anti-climactic, especially after all the commercial build-up. As each year comes and I get more removed from when we celebrated Christmas, however little the celebration was, it feels like a distant memory that cannot be recreated; otherwise it would not be genuine. And I'm okay with that. I don't need gifts to feel good. I don't need for the reason to be a specific holiday to spend time with my family. I don't need to put up decorations that will only be taken down a month later and isn't going to be seen by anybody anyway.
But that's not to say other people shouldn't do it, because if that's their tradition and it makes them happy, by all means, please be happy. To all of you who are lucky enough to do these things, I hope you have a wonderful holiday. Enjoy it, because you are fortunate to be able to create this magic.
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