It's really funny with me. I tend to let some things roll off my back, and at other times I get pissed off easily. I don't recall a time when I've been in the middle, like being annoyed perhaps. If something bothersome happens, such as people talking behind my back or an unforeseen situation changing a well-thought-out plan, I think, "Well, that sucks. Whatever. I'll deal with it." If I get irked to no end, however, or if something really stupid or ridiculous happens, I blow. At times, if the perpetrator is not available for me to yell at, I'll internalize it and think, "What the f***. Why are people like this all the time. What did I do to deserve that from that s***head." And then I'll think about the situation to no end. I hold grudges really well. It's not good. If the perpetrator is right in front of me, I'll lay into them. Oftentimes though I'm so angry that my thoughts aren't straight and my arguments are not as effective as they could be. However, even if I feel slighted, it's my fault that I become angry, sad, or any other emotion. I'm the only person who can control my feelings, and I have to be able to do so, no matter if the other side is actually right or wrong.
When I'm annoyed, but not necessarily furious, I feel like a huge anger session to let out my emotions would be cathartic. Ironically, after I lay into someone though, I never feel better. I do think about how my arguments failed, and being hard on myself, I think about how I could've made my point better, which makes me even more infuriated. Downward spiral, vicious cycle, whatever you want to call it. Also, if I yell at people, people tend to yell back. And nobody likes to be yelled at (I forget that a lot). But most importantly, being mad is obviously a negative feeling. Negative feelings do not often directly lead to positive feelings. And then once again, I think, "What the f***. Why are people like this all the time. What did I do to deserve that from that s***head."
All too often, this has happened to me. I become irate. I think, "What the f***. Why are people like this all the time. What did I do to deserve that from that s***head." I go over the scenario some more. Again, I think, "What the f***. Why are people like this all the time. What did I do to deserve that from that s***head." And over and over until I'm pissed off at the entire world and believe I'm the only sane person alive. On the other hand, it also makes the other party angry as well. It becomes a losing situation all around.
But what if it's the opposite? What if the world is normal, but I'm the weird one for letting the everybody else get to me? Some of you may be saying, "That's not possible. The world is an infuriating, abnormal place. I'm the only one who has my head on straight." That may be true, and I wish it was for me. The problem is that the world is not going to change for me. There are too many people and too many variables. Just like the Theory of Evolution says, I have to adapt to survive. Otherwise, I'd go crazy with all my anger.
I am not necessarily admitting the opposite, that the world is perfect and I'm the nutball. We're all different, and we're all perfect and imperfect in one way or another. However, I can't control the world and fix its imperfections, as cool as that may be. Instead, I have to realize that the only person I can control is myself. I am not able to decree laying on car horns illegal. I am not necessarily able to make people feel guilty when I believe that I have been slighted. I can look at myself and find out what people are doing to make me feel this way, make me mad, make me annoyed, make me think that everybody else is stupid. It's my fault that I let myself experience these emotions, not anybody else's. Or what if I'm causing people to act this way towards me? And as hard as it is, I can learn to control myself such that I don't have to be mad or annoyed or think everybody else is stupid. Funnily enough, this is still easier than trying to take over the world.
I'm human, so being riled will come naturally. But one way to combat this is to realize that other people are going to make me angry. Think of it this way: you're not necessarily as surprised and affronted if you're expecting something to come. If the bar is set low, you expect poor quality, and if someone jumps over the bar, you're pleasantly surprised. All neutral to positive feelings; how good is that? By expecting people to be mean or stupid (in my enlightened opinion anyway), I know what's coming and I can prepare for it. And if someone isn't mean or stupid, or God forbid nice, I can feel thankful and lucky that there are people like that in the world, and I was fortunate enough to run into someone like that. I can let everything roll off my back, I won't go into my downward spiral, and I hope I won't exacerbate the situation for other people who may feel that they didn't do anything wrong. If I don't yell at them, I nip the situation in the bud, and everybody moves on.
I am not saying I am always right (I would love it if I was). But regardless of who is correct and who isn't, I can do my part to make the world a better place. The world is awry enough as it is; it doesn't need my reactions to insecurities to add onto it. I can stay sane and away from negative feelings. Others won't get madder than they need to be; they won't necessarily develop into s***heads and act like "this" all the time. The total craziness that makes up this world is kept to a minimum. Ideally, anyway. This is a long road, and there will be setbacks. But the option of easily becoming and staying angry pales in comparison to the option of not being affected by others, not affecting others, staying calm, and keeping everything as peaceful as possible.
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